top ten joke

Worst thing to do in bed 1: Cry If there was an awards ceremony for the worst thing to do in bed, crying would win. Not only will blubbering into your man’s chest tell him that he is a seriously bad lay, it will also make you seem a tad neurotic. Plus there’s scientific evidence that confirms crying is a big sex faux pas. Researchers found that those men who smelt women’s tear drops became less sexually aroused than when they sniffed the placebo liquid.So listen up girls, when you next hop into bed make sure you avoid Bambi, Titanic and The Notebook. Tearjerker films are strictly off the menu for you. Worst thing to do in bed 2: Laugh We all know that womencan get a bit hung up about stripping down and getting it on, but it seems guys are just as insecure. Did you know that 83 per cent of men believe their performancecould be improved? Or that in one of the largest studies on penis size 45 per cent of the men surveyed wished they had a larger penis? So, when your guy is giving you his best moves you must never laugh. Even if you are not laughing at his manhood or his moves, it will seriously offend and at worst deflate your guy if you snigger during sex. If you’re one of those people who laugh when you get nervous, try to focus on something serious or, even better, try to focus on the job at hand. Worst thing to do in bed 3: Fake it When that pillow-biting, pleasure-hitting orgasm is just not happening it can be easy to fake it. Although screaming “O-O-O...yes, that’s it darlin’” seems like a greatoption at the time, your faking ways will make you both suffer in the long-term. First off, he’ll never know how to please you properly. Also guys are pretty good at picking up when you are faking it – imagine he found out? It would crushhim. Lastly, your guy might expect you to come again next time you get frisky, which will put lots of unwanted pressure on you both. So, next time the orgasm fairy is on strike, simply tell him the truth and say‘I really want you to come now’. He’ll love it. Worst thing to do in bed 4: Get shy One of the biggest turn-offs for guys is whengirls get shy after they’ve talked about doing loads of kinky stuff. If you big-up yourself and your moves telling your guy that you’ll give him a lap-dance before riding him like a cowgirl, then he’ll expect it. So if you’renaturally shy in the bedroom don’t get too carried away with the dirty talk and don’t promise him things you don’t want to deliver on. Instead focus on building your self confidence in the boudoir. You can do simple things like buying a sexy new outfit that you feel comfortable in. Or you could take a pole-dancing class or try to read some erotic books together. The key here is to remember you can turn up the heat as a shy girl, but don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with or promise him that you will. Worst thing to do in bed 5: Go blank Guys love a girl who knows what she wants. At times, men can feel under pressure to take control and perform. So, when he asks you how you want it, don’t say ‘I don’t know, whatever you want’. This may be a sign that he’d like a little guidance. Instead tell himhow you like it or what feels good. Even if it’s justsimple instructions like, ‘touch here’ or ‘go harder’. If you draw a blank in bed regularly and you feel a little lost when he asks you how you want it, maybe it’s time to discover what you like. Get to know your body and find out what gets you going. Thisway the next time the question arises you’ll know just how to answer.